NaNo What?

NaNo WHAT_

I just wanted to quit so badly by week #2. I mean, in the space of one minute, the cursing under my breath was very… prolific. And that is saying A LOT because I don’t usually swear. I am falling behind on my daily word count and I know that a few personal crises shouldn’t be an excuse to stop you from winning NaNoWriMo, that I should toughen up, put on my big girl panties, and just WRITE EVERY SINGLE DAY ALREADY!

* This is the part where I drop dead.*

The stress level is so high that, as Penelope from SNL would say, “My panic attack is having a panic attack and it’s called anic attack.” Thoughts of the huge number of words I have yet to finish in between the stress (due to personal matters that are really out of my hands but I really couldn’t help but worry, okay?) and more stress (because I was born a worrier and now I understand EXACTLY what they mean when they said “between a rock and a hard place” except… I don’t only understand it. I LIVE in that place.) Have you ever felt that?

* This is the part where I drop dead… the second time around.*

Yes. The stress level is unbelievable. I wish I could give you an exact picture of it, except that would mean going into private details of my life. I don’t want to bore you and I don’t want to talk too much because ssshh… People who know me offline read this blog sometimes. But here’s the thing: I still want to win NaNoWriMo. Granted, I skipped some days. Yes, I am thousands of words left behind. (See? So stressed I can’t even recall how many words, exactly.) Yes, I haven’t had my coffee yet. Yes, I do want one right now. In a giant tub, so I can swim in it and bask in its “just right” warmth. And when I finally emerge from the pool of eternal caffeine of the spotless tub, you’ll be so blinded by the energy running through me that you would have to shield your eyes and ask out loud, in an awe-filled voice, “Are you God?” To which I would reply, “No, but I am The Awesome Wondrous Light of Being Made Completely Out of Coffee NOW STAND ASIDE!”

*huff huff!*

I digress but only because I haven’t had my coffee yet. Winning this NaNo thing is just right there in front of me. I just have to remember why I started with this madness in the first place. But you know what? I don’t even have to remember. Because in spite of the struggles and difficulties, the wallowing and private pity parties, the feeling, the wanting to write is too strong to ignore, even if it’s just 350 words in a day. Now excuse me. I have some words to demolish, as Ben from Author’s Nook so eloquently phrased. He is an awesome fellow who, without him even knowing, helped me peel myself off from the floor, resolutely march back to my (mythic) writing desk, and get back to my writing. Moral of the story: It pays to have fellow writers cheer you on and have you check on each other. Accountability and all that shit jam.

How’s YOUR writing for NaNoWriMo going?

(P.S. Thanks to my friend, B, for letting me watch that Penelope video from SNL. It was hilarious!!!)

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