“A moment can change the way you view the world, and the way you view the world will give you more moments.” ― Nikki Rowe
Things have changed. In turn, I have changed. My viewpoint in life, my priorities. It’s true when they say you don’t know what you’re capable of until something happens — really happens — to you.
Perception is all about where you’re coming from and I know that some of the things I do will come across as different to other people. There are things I let slide most of the time. How else do you think I managed to keep sanity at bay? (Coffee helped, though. A lot. Thank you very much, people responsible for coffee.)
I have been turning things over and over in my mind ever since November of last year. And then there were other things that happened along with it. I am not big on opening up and talking about things. Things that hurt the most. I simply deal with it alone. My knee-jerk reaction is to get away (literally), be on my own, and then do some more thinking. Distance myself from the source of stress or hurt or both. And when I am okay again, I come back. This time, however, I simply cannot run away. I need to stay. I need to be there.
“You often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it.” ― Goldie Hawn
While other people are searching for love or the right career or the perfect place, I was busy searching internally. I’m not sure if I am going anywhere with all this searching, especially since everything seems to be happening all at once. One day seems to blur right to the next one. Every day is the same. Mostly. This is why when something out of the ordinary happens, I pay attention. It’s not the kind of moment that begs to be heard or seen. Sometimes, it creeps in quietly, catching you off-guard. And when it finally catches up to you, there is little you can do except acknowledge it. And sometimes, when you do, a part of you is never the same again.
“Amor Fati – ‘Love Your Fate’, which is in fact your life.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
I have long ago stopped believing in signs the same way I have stopped believing in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy: gradually. But then I also read somewhere that you’re pretty much stuck with whatever is going on for you simply because you are not doing what you should be doing in the first place. Now I am back to waffling. And flailing. I’m in a morass and it’s not a fun place to be in. But you know how something happens randomly and it changes you? YES. That’s what happened to me recently. It’s like someone nudged me and shook me awake after months of staying holed up in one place. It’s like the proverbial match has been lit. That’s what happened to me. Some people have been scratching their heads over the fact that I have been recently posting more than the usual in Facebook. (Guys, I really am more of a Twitter person. I am in love with Twitter, okay?) I am sure that some of them are wondering if this new Facebook habit of mine is due to a new kind of romantic interest. All I can say is: Keep calm. It’s not that. It’s not but it’s even better. I found a way to get myself out of the rut I have been in. I finally managed to peel myself away from the floor.
“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
This is where I will end this post for now. Brace yourself for the next post because it will be waxing poetry about life and being alive.