I don’t believe in signs anymore. I think I stopped believing and asking when I was still in college. I realized that, well, if things are meant to happen then they’ll happen. But here is what I have always believed in: That most things happen for a reason. I think this is the idea behind the movie “Before We Go.” I just watched it earlier today and that’s the thing that struck me the most: Things do happen for a reason.
I have little idea why someone from the past chose this point in my life to show up again. I have been wrapping my head around the things I’ve discovered about him recently and all I can think of now is, “Do I really even need to hear him out?” If this was two, three years ago, I’d have jumped at the chance. Every Facebook message, every Skype conversation would have me grinning like some stuffed toy on display. But this is now. I’m at a place in my life wherein my priorities have changed and, sadly and oddly enough, getting the closure I wanted years and years ago from him is something I could do without.
My friend told me she thinks we’ll still have that talk in December, my ex and I. If only for closure. If only to have answers to everything I have wondered about all these years. And here’s the truth about it: I could either hear him out or I couldn’t. Either way, I’ll be fine.
(Tangent: Anyone seen the movie “Aloha”? Yeah, that pretty much touched the same topic: closure.)
What I found out three days ago about him threw me off-balance. It was all about shock and disappointment and emotional exhaustion. But not anger. Never anger upon finding out. Looking back at the two of us, now I see clearly how everything was a lie. But what happened has happened. I can’t take it back. What’s done is done. Now I’ll just have to move on with the regular program that is my life. And given what I have been going through, all those people I have talked to and learning about life all over again, I think I’ll be okay.
“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.” ― Aldous Huxley