Dear 2013 me,
You won’t have watched the movie “Before We Go” just yet. It’s slated to come out 2014 and Chris Evans is in it so of course you’ll watch it. You’ll watch this late March of 2016 and that’s okay. You watched it at a perfect time in your life. The reason I am telling you this is because that’s where I got the idea for this blog post / letter. In that movie, there are scenes where the two main characters pretended to call themselves from way back. I don’t want to use the phone. Writing has worked fine for me (us?) and I am sure you’ll agree. Hence, what you’re reading right here, right now.
Listen, I know there’s this one guy who broke your heart. By this time, you’re still going to think he’s different from all the other guys you’ve met and dated. Where all the others were charming, flirty, good-looking, and sure of themselves, he was quiet and thoughtful, shy and not confident about himself, caring and gentle. You two started and ended 2011 but every couple of months, he’ll pop up and resurface in your life. Then he’ll go back to disappearing. It’s going to leave you confused and distraught. DON’T BE. It’s all going to make sense someday. Specifically, last week (my year: 2016). I won’t go into the details because you need to go through all this shit. You need to be grown up about it. You need to feel the coming and going of the heartbreak and the pain this one guy caused, from 2011 right up to 2016. You need it, if only to look back one day and realize that there WAS a time in your life that you managed to knock down those walls you built and allowed yourself to fall in love all over again. You made it possible for yourself to open up and show him that side of you that you rarely showed the others. And I suppose he loved you for that, because he’s still trying to reach out to you until today. After (nearly) five years! Can you believe that?! It’s crazy, I know. But listen to me: Walk away. When he sends you a message on March 11, 2016, don’t reply. Don’t reply to his email, either. And don’t add him in Skype. Come early April, you would’ve found out what you needed to know. You’ll finally have the answers to those questions he left hanging all these years. There is no point in trying to tie loose ends. You now have the closure you wanted. You don’t need him in your life anymore. He’s not going to be the last guy you’ll kiss or the last hands you’ll hold or the last broad shoulders you’re going to wrap your arms around in. (Although I am disappointed that you turned down all those guys that came after him. Five years of ducking away from men is kind of extreme, you know?)
Another thing: By the time 2016 rolls in, you won’t really go out much anymore. You’d rather stay at home during the weekends. For a few months, you’ll pause your usual life of going out and hanging out with friends. And that’s fine. You’ll need the time to recuperate, emotionally. But when your co-workers make plans for an early morning drink on March 5th, don’t skip it. Show up. You’ll meet someone and while it’s not exactly the romantic variety, he’d play a significant part in your life. You’ll realize the next thing you have to do in your life is to travel. Alone. To sort out yourself. He’ll make you realize that. In fact, he’ll also make you realize things about yourself. Things that you refused to accept until that moment. And those realizations will change you. And in turn, it will change how you’d handle things. He’ll fascinate you with the way his mind works (you’ll hate to admit it but you are in awe of him) and he’ll crack you up with his quick wit. And you’ll watch in amusement as you observe (slyly) how other females respond and react to him. At this point in your life, he’ll be good for you. In a short amount of time, he’d have given you valuable life lessons. He’ll listen to you talk about your ex and speak his mind. And then you’d wish there was at least something you can do to give back to him. I mean, the poor guy… You did waste his time blathering about your ex, you know. But short of offering him dozens of kegs of beer, you’ll come up blank. Even so, don’t skip March 5th. Don’t ever skip it.
Tangent but worth mentioning (and I hope you’ll keep this in mind): Stop trusting those around you too much. My God. That’s what keeps getting you in trouble in the first place. It’s nice to believe in the good in everyone but there are limits, yes? What if you trusted someone to watch over your pet giraffe, the one lounging by the pool, and that someone ended up stealing the poor pet?? I’m kidding. You have no pet giraffe.
Circling back to the ex because you really need to hear this: You’re going to leave him a message on April third. You’re going to tell him exactly what’s on your mind. And if he responds, don’t reply. There is nothing left to it. You have said what you wanted to say. You’ll feel stronger for that. You’ll realize that circumstances break people but you don’t have to stay in that state for too long. You’ll choose to move on. And you’ll be a better person because of it. Put on your best shoes and best face. You’ll be going places, meeting new people, and reconnecting with those from your past.
Stay sane. And remember: Keep the beasts at bay.