“In the Dead of Night, Your Eyes So Green”

GUY MEETS GIRL MEETS FEELINGS

If there is one takeaway in any romantic movie, it’s this:

“People who are meant to be together find their way back to each other. They may take a few detours, but they are never lost.”

But real life is not like the movies. At least, not most of the time. When you meet someone who has potential, you don’t say cute, witty things. You stutter and stumble on the right words to say. Or maybe you completely panic and blank out and you just sit there, smiling like a stuffed toy on display. (Even worse, you’re the stuffed toy on display on a discounted sale.) Gone is the easy, witty banter between boy and girl. In its place is one of the two awkwardly trying to impress the other… and failing miserably. And half the time, the feeling is not mutual. At all. You’d probably spend nights rehashing and discussing what happened, with your friends listening and sympathizing with how:

  • You thought you two had something going on but then he decided to do a complete one-eighty on you and boom! Where is that “something” now?
  • You made an ass out of yourself by admitting your feelings for him. As it turns out, how you feel does not exactly match with how he feels.
  • He led you on. That stupid jerk.

But the thing is… The thing is… Well, maybe we should ask ourselves: Were we really led on or was it because we wanted to believe there was something more? Those are completely two different things. And I know it’s kind of a challenge to think straight when you’re drunk like mad with infatuation (or love, who knows?) but we owe it to ourselves to take a step back. Take a step back and see things for the way they are. Easier said than done but it’s better than not getting to the truth. Also? Friendly tip, coming from someone who has had more than her fair share of the players, the smooth talkers, and the flirts: Ladies, if he doesn’t say anything (solid / straight-forward / hints not counted) about being together together, then it’s always best to not assume anything concrete with the guy. That is one true thing in romantic movies: If the guy really likes you, he’ll find ways to be with you. No excuses, no ifs, no buts. You know it, I know it, even the guys know it. Heck, I suspect even my mythical pet giraffe knows it.

And now to the fun part: Feelings! And even more feelings!

“Is it really possible to tell someone else what one feels?” ― Leo Tolstoy

I once met this guy. He was great. Amazing. Funny at all the right moments. Perceptive. Intelligent. Seemingly brimming with enthusiasm for life. Someone you can leave somewhere, anywhere, and you’d sleep soundly at night because you know he’ll be all right. (Although once, I found myself getting alarmed when he just suddenly decided, “Too boring here. I think I’ll go to this place instead.” and then promptly left. Thankfully, he got back in one piece after his side trip.) And did I mention he was charming? We got along quite well. I loved his quick wit, his stories, and our conversations. I really liked him. Somewhere along the way, he asked if I thought there was a connection between us. And I froze and panicked because, you know, feelings. I could walk the streets at an ungodly hour, all alone. (But no solo taxi rides, thank you very much.) I am willing to try sky-diving. I would definitely sign up to be in Dauntless. But spilling feelings? Mushy, sappy feelings? My. God. I’d rather chew glass and then promptly dance on hot coals with bare feet. And that, folks, is another friendly tip from your (sort of but not really) next-door blogger: Be ye not stupid and tell the truth. I think that “Oops! Sorry I told you. My mistake. Can we move forward now that it’s all been said and done?” is a lot better than regrets. Or never knowing. (Sidenote: Wow. I am getting braver. Were this a year ago, I’d be shaking my head at what I am writing here.) But do that “spilling feelings” thing with caution. (It actually comes with a warning: Not for the fragile and faint of heart.) The aftermath comes with no assurance on your end. The reason you told the truth is for… catharsis? It’s pretty much the same concept as doing good things because you like doing them and you don’t expect anything in return. You spoke the truth because you believe that the truth sets you free. (I will not hold it against you if you actually nodded in agreement on that one cheesy quote.)

There is a lot to be said about guys and girls and the insane way they handle feelings. Perhaps we should either:

  • Think more before we act on it OR
  • Think less and just act on it while accepting that there is no happily-ever-after guarantee attached to it.

I guess it depends on which situation you’re in but it’s always best to use both head and heart. And in order to reach that sage level of the head/heart balance, you need to date many guys and get your heart broken many times. Voila! Lessons learned. You’ve leveled up each time you got your heart broken and you are wiser the next time around. It’s true when Serena said this line to Dan. I can so relate:

derena_first_pre-date

I’m kidding about dating plenty of guys, of course. Sort of. (But please, just date. Date one guy at a time. But don’t sleep around, okay? OKAY?) Just… just do what feels right. At this point in my life, I’d like to try point-blank honesty. (And believe me, I am an avid advocate of telling the truth. Tangent: “Avid advocate” — Ha! See what I did there? I am not losing my literary touch, after all. Or so I hope.) So anyway. Point-blank honesty. Makes refreshing sense after all the runaround I’ve been in in the past. (Ahem! The ex. *cough, cough*) Now excuse me. I am off to re-watching “Playing It Cool.” No wise words to share at the end. This whole post about feelings had me exhausted because, you know, feelings. I ate my feelings throughout this whole post. Now I need to catch my breath.

chris_evans_shrug

The accompanying song for this post:

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