A List of Things: Bragging Rights and More

ALL THESE BRAGGING RIGHTS

Here be the mother of all personal lists, according to levels because I apparently have nothing better to do at three in the morning [edit: when this was made days and days ago].

Level: good, verging on great

1. baby-sitting (I really am awesome with kids. They love me and I love them. It’s a win-win. I would’ve been a pre-school teacher if I weren’t into websites.)
2. listening (Both friends and acquaintances turn to me to listen to their problems. Apparently, I have missed my calling in life.)
3. giving advice (I was going for “giving sound advice” but really, were they all sound and sane?)

Level: kick-ass

1. telling stories with my hands (Careful. My hands might end up in your face. Unintentionally, of course. But consider yourself warned.)
2. sleeping (I’m am animal in bed. Specifically, a koala. I can sleep for 16-18 hours straight.)
3. keeping secrets (People like to confide in me. Even at 3 in the morning. I am a walking time bomb of people’s secrets. Even their deepest, darkest ones. So I guess some of what they say about Leos are true: I’m a great friend to have, because this: “Leos are very loyal to their friends and enjoy helping others.”)

Level: probably terrible, although I’d like to think otherwise

1. tidying a room (Only because I cannot stand the sight of a messy pile of things.)
2. doing a handstand in the water (I practiced this in my younger years. I do this every time I’m in the water, be it the pool or the sea / ocean. It’s a quirk.)
3. drinking alcohol (Oh, dear. You are not ready for this conversation about me and alcohol.)

Level: really, really horrible (I kid you not)

1. numbers (I failed Math more than once. Need I say more?)
2. geography (I struggle with maps. I’m hopeless, okay?)
3. whistling (I am really, really bad at this. Not for the lack of trying, though.)

Level: so hopeless there is practically no word to describe it

1. cooking (insert a thousand sad face emojis here)
2. cooking (insert double that thousand sad face emojis here)
3. more cooking (Have I made my point here yet?)

Level: I cannot do even if my life depended on it

1. selfies (Ugh. I rarely stare myself in the mirror.)
2. dance (My bones and muscles decided that they will not be coordinating any time soon. Or ever.)
3. pretend I like you (I’ll be real polite with you, though, because Mum and Papa raised neither a brash nor a brazen daughter.)

Level: had to say or do it because there are things in life like pride or embarrassment or sheer, simple stupidity

1. “Yeah, I can do this.” (No, you can’t. Not today, not next month, not ever. Unless you suddenly develop superpowers.)
2. “Of course I can drink one more bottle!” (Me hours later = full-on, hardcore zombie mode)

Bonus: Top 3 weird things EVER that people told me

1. “You’re so cute when you cry.” (Thanks. My heart is breaking right now, here, in front of you, and that’s what you tell me?)
2. “You’re so small. It’s like I want to protect you from the rest of the world.” (This is weird because it was blurted out during a conversation in the cafeteria. And said conversation was about serious, earth-shattering stuff, like what to eat or where to sit.)
3. “Your hair becomes wavy when you’re stressed.” (Apparently, I now have a stress gauge that is available for everyone to see. The next time you see me with straight hair, you’d know my life is pretty awesome.)

Another bonus: Top 3 weird places that guys I have absolutely never met before approached me, armed with pick-up lines

1. McDonald’s – “You look familiar.” (Funny. As it turns out, he really was familiar with my face because we used to work in the same company. I should have never given him my phone number, though… The text messages he sent that same day were bordering on almost scary.)
2. our neighborhood massage / spa place – “Have we met before?” (I was sitting there in one of the sofas when the guy walked up to me and asked me that. Not once but twice. And no, we have never met before.)
3. sidewalk leading inside our subdivision – “Hi, babe.” (Let’s just say I did not handle this one well because I told him he’s ugly. As in, “You’re ugly!” I’m sorry… but he was drunk and I hadn’t had a wink of sleep at that time.)

And that, folks, ends my list for today. Let me end this post with the saying:

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. – French proverb

And this proverb hits right at home. What’s real and what isn’t? Why am I always the last to know about the real things in life? Oh, right. Because that’s what being in an all-girls Catholic school for more than a decade does to you. Growing up with a sheltered life can suck half the time. 😀

emma_stone_its_a_trap

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