I am turning 34 on July and I have little idea of what I am doing with my life. While other women my age are either settling down or already settled down, I am just winging it everyday, lost in my own corner this side of the world. Do I feel the pressure to just get into a nice, solid, and stable relationship and eventually say “I do”? So glad you asked, guys. Let me tell you this short story:
I was eating a sandwich by the pool of this gorgeous five-star hotel. On the table were three other ladies, all work colleagues who were there for a visit. I have no idea why but the topic of conversation turned to weddings. I was busy stuffing myself with a clubhouse sandwich, I think, when I was asked what my dream wedding gown was. I then forgot all about chewing. I think my jaw dropped. I groped for words and the struggle was real. For what felt like a bajillion seconds, I just sat there, wide-eyed and mouth slightly open. Then I blurted out, “I don’t know… I really haven’t thought about it.” Not surprisingly, they looked taken aback. One of them prompted, “Nothing? Not even a color?” This is the part where I should’ve put my foot in my mouth. Or probably kick my own self, followed by a slap on both of my cheeks. I replied, “Nope. I haven’t thought about my own wedding. Haven’t really given much thought about getting married.” Let me give you a moment of silence for the sheer stupidity of it all, because… WHO SAYS THAT TO MANAGERS AND A VICE PRESIDENT??? Someone just shoot me, please. Why couldn’t I have just lied and said my wedding gown would be all pink and poufy? Why do I find it so difficult to say even just one white lie? I mean, come on. Lying through your teeth about how beautiful a pink and poufy wedding gown is should be easy enough. It’s certainly better than showing the bosses just how much of a certified oddball you are.
And so that answers the question, “Do I feel pressured to settle down?” Apparently I do not. If I had really wanted to settle down, I would’ve done so years ago. But here I am, winging it and blogging about it. Make no mistake: There are times I just wanted to stop being so damn picky about men. Heaven knows there are a lot of them. But then again, there’s me. Me and my “all or nothing” inclination. For your convenience and reference, here are my notes regarding the 17 items in that all or nothing article, in the same chronological order:
- I can play it cool. *pause* For about 60 to 70 percent of the time. The rest is where I am the epitome of a mumbling idiot. And NO. Definitely no to that wedding bit.
- 20 minutes sounds too soon. I’d say a couple of hours spent with the guy.
- YES. I just know, okay? I can’t explain how or why but I just know. It’s my superpower.
- Sadly, it doesn’t happen very often. I wish I could find someone attractive and fall for them at short, regular intervals. But I don’t. I’d find a guy I like and once that’s done and over with, I’ll have to wait half a year or more before getting attracted to someone again.
- A rush is an understatement. Haha.
- I absolutely do not get this and I am too lazy to Google it.
- Ha! “Long periods of being single.” Check. “You can’t force yourself into something if your heart isn’t fully there.” Double check. See number four.
- Okay, 75% sounds way too much. I’d say 40 to 45 percent.
- Maybe when I was up until my late twenties. What can I say? I have learned my lessons and curbed my impulses. *wink!*
- This one nearly killed me. Not comma but maybe the way a sentence was framed. Haha!
- Okay, this one is another no. I mean, I rarely sift through a crush’s Facebook profile. Why Google when you can find out from the guy himself, amiright?
- Okay! Yes! Yes for this one.
- Well, I wouldn’t say terrible.
- Wait. I did this recently. I’m not sure how well that went… Or how not well… Argh. Next item, please.
- Nope. No, no, no, no. “I love you” is something you just don’t go around saying to a guy you only like.
- This is funny. The last sentence is funny. If I was asked, “What are we?” then I’d probably throw the question back at the guy because I cannot make this decision alone.
I recently talked to this guy, who was introduced by a friend. The conversation was going well. It really was… until he asked my age and I told him. Minutes later he brought up how he wanted to settle down and all that. For those who know me well, I’m guessing you already know my reaction to that particular part of the conversation:
I can’t even do the messy half-bun properly in spite of weeks of trying it. How well do you expect me to take the direction of that conversation? Especially since we have only ever known each other within less than two hours? *shudder*
[Edit / Afterthought: I have realized that this post made it look like I never ever ever ever want to settle down. That is only about
80% 85% correct. The remaining 15% means there is still that chance that some asshole manly man will still come along and make me feel all the mushy, pissy, wonderful, beautiful feelings that only love can ever spew. See? I still have faith in love and men and relationships. For all that 15% is worth, I would love big. Yes, I would.]