I had a conversation with a friend recently. When he asked, “How’s the love life?” I can only dish out this response: “It’s practically non-existent.” To which he promptly asked, “What’s wrong with them?” And I knew — I knew without a doubt now — that the answer to that was: There’s nothing wrong with the guys I have been interested in and the guys who showed interest. It’s me. It’s all me. Maybe I’m too picky. Maybe I fear the negative side of a commitment. Maybe I’m scared of the same things happening all over again. Maybe it’s all of these thrown into one jumbled pile, one that is long overdue for some spring cleaning. But the days are getting shorter and a bit colder each day now, so a cleaning mood those do not make. 😀
I know there are good guys out there. I am friends with some of those good guys. Guys who won’t go sneaking behind your back with their side chick. (Or their wife that you do not know about… Ha!) Guys who won’t play with you. Guys who take relationships and commitment seriously. I know not all guys are the same and I shouldn’t generalize them based on a couple of relationships gone wrong / awry / awful (take your pick, folks). And I don’t. If there’s something I am proud of about myself (which is definitely not my selfie game, sad to say) it’s that I can read most people pretty well. Also translated as: I can spot the so-called bad boy a mile away. (Sometimes, I date them because I like bad ideas.)
With that said, the question that friends, family, and even colleagues both past and present keep asking me is, “Why can’t you just settle down?” My point, exactly: I don’t want to just settle. To quote aforementioned friend: “I’d rather be single forever than not be in the right relationship.” (Thank you, male version of myself.)
And how would I know if the guy is right? I’d know. Oh believe me, I’d know. I don’t have to settle. I’d know from our conversations, from the little things that we throw back and forth between us. After going through a series of the ones that aren’t fit for me, I think I’d know this time around if some guy’s worth the risk. And let’s face it: When we really, really, really like someone, we throw all caution to the wind and just take that giant leap. Your worries and fears somehow seem small compared to the good things. You make room for changes in your life, gladly. You give that love without hesitation, the same love that you so fearfully held on to in the past, not worrying if you’re getting the same amount of love in return. I may just be a hopeless romantic underneath all this but I do believe in this kind of love:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It… is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Until then, I am going to keep on rolling my eyes at well-meaning but exasperating “When will you settle down?” questions. Or probably just refer them to this blog post.
This sappy, heartfelt post brought to you by fleeting insanity because, you know, I have only had one cup of coffee so far. Stay sane (unlike someone I know!), folks! We can all survive this Monday!