38 Days and counting

 

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Sometimes at night, when my head hits the pillow, I take stock of my life. Not bits and pieces of the past long gone but the more recent past. The past month, the last three months, or the last eight months. You know, 2016 in general. And not for the first time I wonder why I am left to my own devices. Surely, I was a better version of myself three years ago. I feel like the good bits and pieces of myself have been slowly chipped away by a few people and a couple of circumstances. Now I am left with shallow, hollow parts of myself. I don’t like that. I wish I could get back my naiveté, if it means I can hold back my tongue more. If it means I am able to go back in time and be more tolerant of people’s behavior, ones that are hurtful and condescending.

I don’t want to wait for New Year’s Eve to roll around before I make a laundry list of what to chuck out the window, what to keep, and what to welcome in my life. (Feel free to add or substitute “what” with “who.”) If I’m going to make changes, I want to do it now. *pause* Yeah, okay. So I have been tweaking an area or two in my life the past few months. Some have immediate results. A couple of them need more time before I see changes. Currently, here are things I have done / been doing

Cutting down on social media AND mobile phone

I want connections and communication to be more meaningful. I feel that I have recently been soaking in too much of the things I see online. So much so that I have been putting aside other things that I should be focusing on. (Writing! *cough, cough*) I tend to get lost in the internet too easily. But the past couple of months, I have been doing so more than I’d like to admit. While I am not going cold turkey and I will still be checking my Instagram and Twitter accounts, I have been spending less time traipsing about the internet world.

Being more conscious of my spending habits

This one takes a lot of self-restraint, as I can really carelessly spend money, especially on food. I have yet to be fully successful on this one, but it’s well worth exerting the effort. There are bills to pay, a new house to move in to, more bills to pay, and… Well, there are still some books that I have to buy. Also? I am planning taking a few vacations next year. So yeah. The need to save is something I have to immerse myself in.

Life goals, the big ones

I’m the “just wing it” type of person, and I say that with neither pride nor shame. Right now It has its good times, like how any day can be an adventure. The thrill of whatever might happen can happen. The excitement of discovering something new. Some days, it’s a bummer. (Bummer! I said bummer! Who still says that word this day and age? Haha!) When life feels flat, that restlessness can stretch for days or weeks or even months. So I decided I might as well draw up a thing or two that I want to do. Huge things. Major things. Colossal things that will pressure me into pushing through with them. Ones that could possibly alter my life because I took a huge leap and just… jumped. So yeah, I took accountability by telling friends and family of my plans. They could keep tabs on me, ask how my progress has been going, and then give me the figurative smack in the face if ever I fall off the radar and I need to get my head and heart back to my goals.

Exploring creativity

I have been getting into things that I feel would enhance my creativity. It doesn’t matter how small it seems. As long as I know that it’s going to help me move forward, I get into it. Mostly, I do that by delving deeply into a book or I go to a place and just take it all in. For me, it’s all about immersing myself into things and places and conversations with people.


I’m not sure what 2017 will be, but I am buckling up just in case. And if there is anything that 2016 has turned me into, it’s being insouciant and headstrong, especially if it involves decisions that affect my personal life or even myself as an individual. And I found out that I can actually survive awful things and people without running away. Ha! 😀

barbara_shrug

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