Radio Silence, Part II

I know I haven’t been much of a blogger lately. It’s just that a lot has been happening in life outside the internet. There’s a queue of projects lined up at work, most of them major websites. When I get those hours and days away from work, things, events, and people keep popping up. And I know I’m not alone in this. I’m just really bad at juggling multiple items right now. That’s the bad news. The good news is that my friend and I considered teaming up for a possible YouTube channel. Stay tuned for that one!

It’s a crime
How you’re reeling me in with the games you play
Then you hang me out to dry

You win some, you lose some. I say cut your losses and start on your footsteps again. Life isn’t all sunshine and roses, but that doesn’t mean I should just sit here and sulk. This is 2017, a far cry from 2016. This time last year was TOUGH. Looking back, I am at a better place in life right now. I shouldn’t lose sight of that fact.
Continue reading “Radio Silence, Part II”

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I’m a Cool Girl. Ice Cold. I Roll My Eyes at You, Boy.

THAT DAMN TOOTHBRUSH

I had a conversation with a friend recently. When he asked, “How’s the love life?” I can only dish out this response: “It’s practically non-existent.” To which he promptly asked, “What’s wrong with them?” And I knew — I knew without a doubt now — that the answer to that was: There’s nothing wrong with the guys I have been interested in and the guys who showed interest. It’s me. It’s all me. Maybe I’m too picky. Maybe I fear the negative side of a commitment. Maybe I’m scared of the same things happening all over again. Maybe it’s all of these thrown into one jumbled pile, one that is long overdue for some spring cleaning. But the days are getting shorter and a bit colder each day now, so a cleaning mood those do not make. 😀

I know there are good guys out there. I am friends with some of those good guys. Guys who won’t go sneaking behind your back with their side chick. (Or their wife that you do not know about… Ha!) Guys who won’t play with you. Guys who take relationships and commitment seriously. I know not all guys are the same and I shouldn’t generalize them based on a couple of relationships gone wrong / awry / awful (take your pick, folks). And I don’t. If there’s something I am proud of about myself (which is definitely not my selfie game, sad to say) it’s that I can read most people pretty well. Also translated as: I can spot the so-called bad boy a mile away. (Sometimes, I date them because I like bad ideas.)

Continue reading “I’m a Cool Girl. Ice Cold. I Roll My Eyes at You, Boy.”

Maybe, Just Maybe, Two is Better Than One

IT IS WHAT IT IS

He had both hands on the wheel but as he fired off the question, he gave me a very specific look that only a brother could give. It was the look of inquiry mixed with curiosity and exasperation. “But seriously. Are you open to falling in love? Being in love again? Or are you completely closing your doors?” I sat in the backseat of the car, caught off-guard by the question. Last I checked, we were talking about something shallow and mundane, like what stuff to buy in the grocery or how we’re both doing at work. And now this? The question threw me off so much that I had to pick myself up from the floor of the car and cough out the lint and dirt I have managed to breathe in. (I’m kidding, of course. The whole “fell to the floor” scenario was figurative. Please tell me you knew that right away.) I slouched and then sat up straight. Then after a couple of seconds, I gave the only answer I could think of: I shrugged.

If he asked me the same question two, three years ago, I would’ve promptly, surely, and confidently replied, “I am fine on my own. Thank you very much. Now keep driving!” But so much has happened and somewhere along the way, I realized that I was not the same person I had been before – – before all those crazy, exhausting things took place. For years and years, my life was pretty predictable. Nothing was spinning out of control, unless you count the cash I spent on whims, passing fancies and nights out with friends. Even an ex-boyfriend occasionally popping up to declare his love for me was part of the routine. But then toward the end of November last year, things began to change. Circumstances started happening, one after another. The only good thing I can see, after all that has been said and done, is that those events brought about the value of resilience.

Things change. People change. It’s something I have come to fully accept. I couldn’t stop my father from dying. I couldn’t force someone to feel the same way about me. I couldn’t just uproot myself from my country and then live somewhere else on my own. (I have tried this for years and years. Either I am meant to stay where I am or I haven’t tried enough.) I have learned that I cannot stop changes. The only thing I can do is figure out the best way to deal with them, and running away is not an option.

Now to answer my brother’s question:

Continue reading “Maybe, Just Maybe, Two is Better Than One”